Ok I'm in a bit of a predicament, now there's nothing seriously wrong... however my father and I have never gotten along... really ever. I appreciate and love him for all he has provided. I am very lucky in that sense, much more so than many other children. But I don't need them nor want them at the cost of his attitude towards me. Nothing is extremely bad... and the 'smart' decision I guess would be to wait and let things settle down while I'm away. However this has been running across my mind for about two years now... at first it started with just the fights... only when we were angry at each other, yet gradually even when nothing was wrong for weeks at a time, I would still seriously consider disowning him.
I value myself in being able to think my decisions through, I cannot stress enough that I truly have thought about this. And I'm sure it sounds terrible especially to the many father's out there. Yet I still want to know how to go about doing it, I tried looking around but there is so much information out there on law I'm having trouble deciphering it.
NOTHING is finally decided yet. It's just becoming a more real event that may yet to come.
And before those of you ask. I have talked to him... something else I'm extremely proud of. 'cause I talked... I didn't yell... didn't argue... and instead (and I'm not exaggerating in the slightest) he gets mad... says horrible things to me that hurt (which I'm sure is just a defense) and pouts like a child who hasn't gotten his way.
The ultimate plan then... is to give him these papers a bit before I ship out... and give him time to mull over the things I've been telling him for years now. And its for myself too. For my own morals, I no longer wish to be connected to him in any way. I don't believe in letting things blow over of issues of this concern, he should truly know what hes doing and... well its extremely hard to explain on my end. I know it will hurt him, and its not something I'm exactly proud of. But I've tried everything else and it has only gotten worse. So for myself, and for his knowledge, I want this, and would like to know how.
That's I'm confused... I've really thought about this, even coming down to those things except face to face. I've always tried to do it that way. And I try to understand... why he felt the need to believe or see the things he did, why he wanted me to do or not do certain things and why after time and time I've proven myself that I am not my older brother or sister that I'm treated as such. Mere questions. Not accusing, I just want a solution to all the questions, perhaps if he had given me the answers I searched for instead of telling me I have no right to know (which in my educated guess is that he doesn't have a reason... he just feels his way will always be best and refuses to listen to anything else).
I've tried to approach this in every civil way I could possibly manage. Even so much as offered to go to counseling with him 'cause I didn't want to lose my father.
i think you have to ask a couple of more questions. a good one is what will this change? are you hoping that by disowning him he will come around and not be as he is? or are you just trying to free yourself from an anchor that seems to be tied around your waiste? also, think about what happens 15 years from now when, if, you need to explain the situation to one of your children. it's not bad to have a small family, some, however, don't prefer it.
if you think you have asked all the questions you can ask, and there is no stone left unturned, wait for another day or two. really what will another 48 hours be?
i will not make any bones about what you have thought of and what you decide to do. you are a man and men make decisions and live thereafter. what i will say is this, i have made some asshole moves before. living with having done things that are self centered is one of the hardest, most lonely, lives there is. i am not proud of it, i don't revel in it. so if you have examined all the options and what you do with your life isn't a self centered decision then more power to you, you have my full support.
Posted by
Brandon V. 09/27/09 in Chat Like
